


Meditations

by owlgal



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Scott, Gen, Inside My Brain, Learning to Lead, Ruminating, True Alpha Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Werewolves, just some thoughts, pack bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23975176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlgal/pseuds/owlgal
Summary: Just Scott, around the end of the series, thinking about what it means to be a werewolf, a member of a pack, and a true alpha.I wrote this while I was binging Teen Wolf over the holidays because I couldn't wrap my brain around how the pack bond was supposed to work, especially the bond between an alpha and their beta. Enjoy!
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	Meditations

There’s something about a pack bond that’s difficult to explain to anyone who’s not a werewolf. Part of it is scent – when a group of people spend enough time together, they start to give off a group scent. Every family, every team, every clique, even the band kids all have a distinctive smell that ties them together. Part of it is behavior, the way that people start to act alike when they’ve been hanging out for a while. But most of what’s behind the bond of a pack is supernatural. Part of whatever strange power makes us stronger and faster and gives us our claws and fangs also binds us – all of us – at a level deeper than desire, deeper than instinct.

I remember the time I first met Derek – really met him – when I first changed. I could tell that he was somehow like me in a way that was more important than fear or hatred. It was part of what me trust him so easily. I learned to pay attention to that spark of recognition that alerted me to the presence of another werewolf. It felt like a trace of the thrill of battle, a breath of the rage that propelled us during the full moon. It reminds me of one of the first things Derek said to me. It feels like a brotherhood bound by more than blood or experience. 

Now, of course this doesn’t mean that all werewolves get along. We are just as territorial and prone to infighting as our animal counterparts, with all the cunning and grudges and desire for power as any group of humans. Werewolf packs stake out territories within towns or cities, and we tend to violently resist any encroachment by other packs or other types of shifters. Violence seems to be an inherent part of being a werewolf; we may not be killers, but we  _ are  _ still predators. Turned werewolves, especially the new ones, will always struggle against their new instincts towards rage and murder. Even born werewolves have trouble during the full moon. Living as a werewolf is all about controlling that violent impulse. And if you can’t control it yourself, you look to an alpha to control it for you.

Looking back to that time I spent running from Peter, when everything was new and terrifying and nothing made sense, I can really see just how bad he was at being an alpha. When Peter had confronted me in his alpha form, I could sense that he was much more powerful than me. I was afraid of him, The shadow of danger that I sensed in Derek and later in the betas he turned was, from Peter, a certainty of true power. It felt like he had my life in his hands, like he could snuff me out whenever he felt like it. Every alpha I’ve ever encountered carries the same aura with them, but Peter was the only one who didn’t know how to use it. 

There’s a trick to being a leader, especially an alpha. That sense of power will make other werewolves cower in fear, but it’s also what makes them feel safe. When you know that someone has that power of life or death over you, and instead of using it they accept you into their pack - their family - that’s a heady feeling. It’s a rush when you know that someone that powerful values you, finds you useful, cares about you. That’s what makes the pack so important, and the bond so strong. And yes, it’s true that living in a pack makes every member stronger, especially the alpha, but that’s not usually what makes a werewolf want to be part of a pack. Packs make everything easier, and many werewolves would rather live as the omega of a pack than be without one. But it’s really the desire to follow a good leader, from our human instincts, and the desire to follow a strong leader, from our wolf side, that makes us want a pack.

Some werewolves have tried to form beta packs, but a werewolf’s instinct towards violence will always tear those packs apart. A pack needs an alpha to stand behind, someone to exercise control over their instincts when they can’t do it themselves. There’s something about an alpha’s howl that makes their pack stand up straighter, makes them ready to take on anything. There's something about the sound of an alpha's voice that makes their pack want to obey. There's something about an alpha's hand helping you up, their pat on your back, their words of encouragement that makes you crave more. It's the presence, and the strength, of an alpha that makes a pack strong. It's the alpha that makes the pack safe. And it's the alpha who's responsible when something goes wrong. 

I'm still learning how to do this whole alpha werewolf, leader-of-a-pack thing. It doesn't help that my pack is so… diverse. And it doesn't help that I haven't had very good teachers. The first alpha I met was Peter. For a while, he was still brain-dead when he wasn't shifted, which meant that I… lacked guidance… on how to not murder everyone I cared about. Once Peter had healed, he did his best to convince Derek and I to join his pack through fear alone. It worked on Derek, who was used to giving in to alphas and to Peter. It didn't work on me. Maybe I had already started my transformation to a true alpha, and that's why I could resist Peter's influence. Maybe it was because I already had such a strong bond of brotherhood with Stiles. Maybe it was growing up with my mom, learning what it looked like to stand up for yourself, to discern right from wrong, and how to have the courage to do the right thing. Whatever it was, Peter's method of terrifying betas into submission only ensured that I wanted less than nothing to do with him. 

Derek wasn't much better as an alpha. After he had killed Peter, Derek knew that I wouldn't be interested in joining his pack. Growing up under Peter's influence meant that Derek's first instinct was to use anger and fear to maintain control over his betas, but using that method meant that he inspired only grudging obedience in his pack. Rather than the nearly blind loyalty to an alpha that most betas experience, Derek's betas chose to abandon him in hopes of finding a new alpha. To Derek's credit, he didn't try to force them to stay. Maybe he already knew then that he was better as a soldier than as a general. 

It was only when I saw Deucalion that I realized how an alpha really acts to hold their pack together. Deucalion knew the other members of the alpha pack intimately. He knew what drove each of them, and he made sure that the only thing they feared was him. He offered them what they wanted, the same way he offered me what I wanted, and he made sure that we all knew what the consequences of failure were. Even within a pack of alphas Deucalion was the clear leader, and not just because he had the most power. The twins followed him because he'd freed them from a terrible past. Ennis had followed him because he offered power. Kali had followed him because he let her violent side run wild, and because he let her do what she wanted. He gave us all what we wanted. Even I had listened to him, because what he said seemed reasonable and gentle for a werewolf. The strong sense of danger that surrounded him was tempered by his words and his behavior until I gave in to the siren song of his power and started to think I could trust him. It was from Deucalion that I learned how to be an alpha. Even more important, I learned how to lead a pack of equals.

There's no denying my pack is stranger than most. I've counted humans, like Stiles, hunters like the Argents, banshees, kitsune, a werecoyote, and the betas of other alphas alongside my own betas as members of my pack. In fact, very few of my pack are actually werewolves. For some it would be unthinkable to count non-werewolves as pack members, because they could never be part of the pack bond. But I think that's what my pack into a family. We aren't tied together by intangible strings of powering ways that we can never fully understand. Instead, we chose each other. Every member of my pack is here because they want to be, because they value every other member, because they love each other. That love is what binds us together with ties far stronger than any strange or supernatural power, and it's what keeps me humble. Because I know just how important every member of my pack is, I also know that I have to listen to them. I have to understand each of their strengths and weaknesses. I have to know what they're willing or unable to do. I have to know how far I can push them.

I don't feel like a leader. Most of the time, I'm still that skinny, asthmatic kid who just wanted a chance to stick it to the other jerks on the lacrosse team. But my life is about more than that now. Much more. I have a pack. I  _ lead _ a pack. And that makes me responsible - for the lives of my friends, for the lives of my family, for the lives of all the innocents who have been and will be affected by my existence. I used to avoid that responsibility. It didn't seem fair that, just because some insane alpha bit me on a whim one day, I would have to be on my guard for the rest of my life. Careful that no one finds out about me. Careful that I don't give in to my feelings and hurt someone. Careful that my friends and family never have a reason to be afraid of me. But now, I'm happy to take on that responsibility. Because I am a werewolf, because I'm a true alpha, I've been able to protect my friends, my family, my pack. If Peter had never bitten me, I would've had to stand by and watch as Beacon Hills was overrun; first by him, then by every other monster we've had to fight off during the years. Maybe I'm not a leader. Maybe I just got lucky, and ended up with a group of friends who were willing to put up with me. Maybe true alphas happen by chance, instead of by some "strength of character." But at the end of the day, those doubts don’t matter. I  _ am  _ a true alpha. I will stand by my pack for as long as they stand by me, and even if they don’t. As long as they need me, I will lead them - no matter how many monsters we have to face.


End file.
